Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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