she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize