We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
