I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
