Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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