bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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