I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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