her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
