He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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