life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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