We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
