Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
