he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
