I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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