i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
