how hairy? two words: wookie tits
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
