I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
