): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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