I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
