Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
