I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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