im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
