I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
