note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
