My nipple is on Facebook.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
