i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
