Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
