I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
