I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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