Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
