clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
