so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
