I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
