YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
