I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
