There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
