You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
