Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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