make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
