Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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