Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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