I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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