It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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