I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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