Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
