I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
