i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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