If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
