I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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