found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
In America we eat man semen.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
