she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
