Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
