My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
