Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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