I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
