Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
