Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize