I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
