i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
