i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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