At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
