So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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