I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
