last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize