Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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