they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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