When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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